Partners
Why do we need successful love relationships?
- from www.helpguide.org
Human beings are social creatures. We need one another not only for comfort and protection but for the joy that gives our lives meaning and purpose. Love relationships sustain and support healthy bodies and healthy minds.
We depend on love relationships:
- from www.helpguide.org
Human beings are social creatures. We need one another not only for comfort and protection but for the joy that gives our lives meaning and purpose. Love relationships sustain and support healthy bodies and healthy minds.
We depend on love relationships:
- to stay well and recover from illness – both physical and mental illness. Satisfying love relationships have more to do with predicting health across all domains than does medicine, according to the UN World Health Organization article, Why are Some People Healthy and Others Not.
- to avoid loneliness – When we feel known and valued, we feel safe and connected to others.
- to experience the joy of shared pleasure – There is no greater pleasure, no more intense joy than sharing a moving musical experience or a breathtaking sunset.
- to experience intellectual stimulation – Love relationships complicate and stimulate our lives, providing us with a constant source of input, enrichment and challenge.
- for support in time of need – When we are ill or troubled, love relationships provide the compassion, inspiration, and care we depend on to lift ourselves up.
How to help love relationships to succeed
The most commonly used tools for resolving conflict are: “I” messages, active listening, and problem solving
In any event, I messages accompanied, or followed by verbal or nonverbal punishment such as rolling eyes, deep sighs of frustration or disgust, glowering or withdrawing emotionally will undermine I messages.
Again, if any sort of punishment, criticism, blame or humiliation attaches to this process, it will limit the ability to resolve issues or build trust.
Once again, if punishing elements slip into the negotiation process, they will limit the opportunity for creating lasting and constructive change.
The most commonly used tools for resolving conflict are: “I” messages, active listening, and problem solving
- “I” messages are communications intended to make disclosures about yourself – I think, I feel, etc. The point is to disclose information about yourself—not the other person. Most communication in conflict situations focus on what the other person does or has done that is bad or wrong! “I feel that you…” is not an I message; it’s a “you message” in disguise.
In any event, I messages accompanied, or followed by verbal or nonverbal punishment such as rolling eyes, deep sighs of frustration or disgust, glowering or withdrawing emotionally will undermine I messages.
- Active listening refers to the capacity to pick up nonverbal information in the process of listening to another person. The idea is to listen with more than ears –to listen with a heart wide open. An important part of this process consists of relaying back to the sender your recognition of the emotion as well as the content being communicated.
Again, if any sort of punishment, criticism, blame or humiliation attaches to this process, it will limit the ability to resolve issues or build trust.
- Problem solving is the negotiation process that follows I messages and active listening. As commonly understood, this is rational problem solving process—but its effectiveness depends on laying out irrational as well as rational concerns. Sometimes these are reflections of our childhood needs, and must be respected even if they seem out of context. Past experience may not seem rational, but it plays a key role in negotiating solutions with high probabilities of success.
Once again, if punishing elements slip into the negotiation process, they will limit the opportunity for creating lasting and constructive change.
Are there times when it is not advisable to attempt a resolution of differences?
Yes, though resolving conflict is a benefit to most love relationships, it is not beneficial to all love relationships. It is possible to love someone who threatens rather than fosters our survival. When the risk of physical or emotional injury is realistic and ever present, protection comes before reconciliation. As long as the threat of harm is valid, it will invalidate attempts to reconcile conflict.
In deciding whether you are unsafe emotionally or physically consider the following in your love relationship:
If you said yes to any of the above questions, you may need assistance before focusing on resolving differences. Talk to a trusted friend, clergy, or therapist, and create a plan that assures your well being.
Yes, though resolving conflict is a benefit to most love relationships, it is not beneficial to all love relationships. It is possible to love someone who threatens rather than fosters our survival. When the risk of physical or emotional injury is realistic and ever present, protection comes before reconciliation. As long as the threat of harm is valid, it will invalidate attempts to reconcile conflict.
In deciding whether you are unsafe emotionally or physically consider the following in your love relationship:
- Does the one you love threaten your physical safety?
- Do you fear the person you love?
- Does your loved one relentlessly beat you down -- intellectually or emotionally?
- Has your sense of self diminished in the relationship?
- Are you ashamed of your partner’s behavior toward you?
- Is your loved one unable to take responsibility for their injurious behavior?
- Does the person you love have an alcohol or drug problem that impairs judgment?
If you said yes to any of the above questions, you may need assistance before focusing on resolving differences. Talk to a trusted friend, clergy, or therapist, and create a plan that assures your well being.